Random thoughts from a random mom

Today's post is not exciting.  No fun pictures.  In fact, you can probably just skip it.  I just wanted to jot down a few random thoughts that have been going through my mind at random times.

a) I don't shower very often anymore.  I look around at other parent friends and think they must shower all the time because they always look so fabulous.  I generally only put makeup on when I have to be somewhere in public, and even then, I try to rate the importance of that public outing to determine how much makeup I will actually put on.  This morning, after I had gotten dressed (well, semi-dressed), I was having a great time with Benjamin, bouncing him up and down and singing a song, when all of a sudden there's a lovely pool/lake of spitup on my shoulder.  Not just one you can dab off, you know?  So, just one more reason to stay in PJs sometimes :)  And when Benjamin naps, I really want to catch up on my emails/phone calls and blogging... so showering seems like a low priority.  This is probably something I should learn to fit into my schedule better.

b) I love teaching.  The last year of student teaching was some of the most "fun" I've ever had while working, albeit also the most challenging.  But cut to reality: everyone says they care about education, but let's be honest, most people really don't.  If they did, I wouldn't have such a tough time finding a job thanks to budget cuts, massive layoffs, and whatnot.  If you don't have kids or are not in education, this may not matter much to you.  But it should.  I mean, it should matter to you if you care at all what the future of our country/world looks like. It should matter to you because good education is the key to so many human problems.  I selfishly wonder sometimes why on earth I left a career I was doing very well in to rack up student debt for a job that will be hard to find, extremely hard to execute, and will be paying me about 1/10 what a good teacher deserves.  Selfishly I'm sad that I hit my salary peak at age 28.  Me and my big ideas about changing the world.  Oy.

c) I hate competition.  Yet why do I always find myself comparing what I have or don't have to others?  It's because I suffer from this ridiculous need to feel like I match up, like I'm good enough too, like I can do whatever you're doing, like my life should be the stuff that makes up those blogs that get 200,000 readers every day.  But in all of that comparison (and self-loathing), I forget what a dear friend once wrote about on her own blog: in the end, there's really only one opinion that matters; only one audience I should care about.  And in the end, as long as I feel like I'm fulfilling this crazy role that God has given me, I guess I'm doing a pretty darn good job.  When I'm 80, I don't think I'll remember if I was able to get the coolest new purse or drive the best car, but I will definitely remember if I did my best to help make the world a better place and bring more love, joy, and kindness into the world.  In reality, this is a hard thing to remember.  And something I have to tell myself ALL the time now that I've entered the parenting world, a world well versed in comparison-living.  Sure, Benjamin could have a million better toys, gadgets, baby gear things, and sure he could have smiled earlier, or learn to crawl faster or talk at an earlier age... but in the end, I don't think any of that stuff really matters.  I know he certainly won't be remembering what kind of stroller or bouncer he had.  He won't remember that most of his stuff was handed down or at what exact month he started crawling.  He'll just remember how loved he was.  And things certainly don't equal love.  (Plus, re-used things equal less waste! Something Matt and I will value and remember.)  But this is a reminder I need to put on repeat in my head.  And sometimes, I have to remind myself to surround myself with others who feel this same way.  When I do, I am reminded how pointless comparison is and how it doesn't do anything but make me feel worse for no reason.  And I am reminded that true friends don't need to compete with each other, they simply love for love's sake.  I want to be that kind of friend.

c2) Yes, I have mixed feelings about Pinterest.  For a person like me, prone to comparing myself to others and wanting what I often don't have (the "grass is greener" syndrome, if you will), I think Pinterest can be a very dangerous thing.  I've read several very well spoken articles about "Pinterventions", and I must admit that I've found merit in many of their arguments.  For people like me (and I would so love to not be this person!), Pinterest creates an easy place to get sucked into coveting what other people have, comparing myself to others, and always wanting more.  This, of course, is not a good thing.  At least I don't think it's how God intended us to live.  With His minimalist views in the back of my head, I often hear a small voice trying to scream at me that I don't need all this stuff.  Life is about love and loving people.  Again, just something I need to remind myself of.  Don't get me wrong, I think Pinterest is awesome and provides inspiration for so many great things (espeically WW-friendly recipes!), but sometimes there's a fine line between using it as a tool for inspiration and using it as a place to lust after what you want/don't have.  For me, I have to remember where that line is so I don't drive myself nuts!

d) I hate dental work.  Yes, this is very random (I told you, I'm just being random today).  But yesterday I had to finally get my crown after the root canal I got almost a year ago (they wanted to wait until after Benjamin arrived).  I think part of the reason they call it a crown is the sheer cost!  After the appointment, I had easily dropped $700+, money that of course, my unemployed self is not liking to spend on TEETH.  You know what I would like to spend $700 on?  Oh, I don't know... maybe a haircut (my hair hasn't seen scissors in a LOOONG time, some formula, diapers, some jeans that actually fit... but that's just me :)

e) I am happy but... I often don't read random links that people post on Facebook, but I happened to click on this one the other day.  "15 Things You Should Give Up To Be Happy"  Interesting title, huh?  Well, I will say it was worth the read and full of more reminders that I can often use in my day-to-day life.  Ali, give up control (I've been learning this a lot lately!); Ali, you don't always have to be right; Ali, you don't need to impress everyone; Ali, quit complaining.... the list goes on!  Don't get me wrong, I'm a very happy person, but I think these things can only help.  :)

Ok, I think that's about all this blog can handle for one random blog day.  There you have it.