Juggling

Just a few deep thoughts on motherhood today...

Even Benjamin needs to get contemplative sometimes...

I've learned a lot in the past six months.  And probably the biggest thing I've learned is that being a mom is hard.  Like, really... it's tough.  You have to take on so many new roles in assuming this one new title, and sometimes you're good at them, and sometimes you have to learn how to fake it.  And sometimes, you might just fail.  But day-to-day?  Yeah, that's all about juggling. 

I'm so thankful to have such a fun, happy baby by my side all day long.  But in the past month or so, he's become pretty clingy and definitely much more "needy".  He doesn't like to be away from me much, and he most definitely doesn't like to be bored.  All of this means that the plans that I think I can accomplish sometimes turn out to be pipe dreams.  And all those things I thought I could juggle this summer while hanging out with and raising the babe (school, working, endorsement tests, socializing, playing music with my family, getting my life back in order, etc.) seem to be dangerously close to dropping to the ground.  I look around and see a lot of moms that do so much more with even more kiddos at home, and I don't know yet how that's possible.  Maybe someday I will (when I earn my superpower badge), but for now, my little man keeps me quite busy, while the rest of life just keeps me stressed.  Sometimes I grin and bear it, and some days a few tears need to be shed.

I wish I could say I've found a good balance, or that I don't snap at my husband when I've had a long day and feel overwhelmed, or that I have a clean house, or that I'm a master at watching a baby and doing anything else... but the truth is that I haven't, I don't, and I'm not.  But it has been very refreshing to talk with other moms who can be honest about the "job" of being a mom.  (Don't let anyone tell you it's not hard work, because I can vouch that there's nothing else like it on earth!)  I've been thankful for the honest, open, and real conversations with some friends lately that have been both therapeutic and encouraging.  I know I am now in a special "club" that has many other members who want to walk along side me and share in my joys and trials.  And I'm thankful for that!  For one, I'm learning that though I once was a good juggler of all things, I can confidently say that my juggling skills are seriously being tested in this new phase of life.  And they'll get better, and I'll get more sane, and I'll make it. :) 


But all the hard work is worth it.  Just look at this little man.  Seriously.