What is best?

Yesterday was Benjamin's 6 month checkup; a chance to visit the pediatrician we love, find out how BW is faring, and chat about the little man (and his tummy).  We have been so blessed with a phenomenal pediatrician whom we met when Benjamin was just one day old.  He has a closed practice but graciously agreed to take us in and essentially held our hands as we anxiously awaited word on CF.  After getting the great news about Benjamin's health, our doctor has continued to be a terrific resource (and therapist at times) for us as we dealt with things like not being able to breastfeed and later BW's milk colitis.  In a huge practice in Denver, it's been nice to build a "real" relationship with our pediatrician.

Our visit yesterday was no different.  We talked about Benjamin's development (he's a rockstar), his growth (best two months yet!  He's up to the 41st% in weight!), his tummy (we're cautiously moving forward hoping to kick the colitis in the next 6 months if possible), my concerns (silly things that nag at a new parent, like "should he be saying consonants yet??"), and all sorts of things.  We talked about how Benjamin got croup back in June and how he also had a little cold this week... and the snappy pessimist in me snarked "oh, you know, probably because I can't breastfeed".  And while I don't really mean it, it's hard not to have doubts and fears when you're not doing what is best for your baby.  So, I guess, in a way, I did kind of mean it.

Thankfully, our doctor rolled his eyes at me and said, "Ali, you're right.  Clearly Benjamin is going to turn out terribly because he doesn't get breastmilk."  And I laughed, and he continued, "You need to not let those thoughts make you feel bad or guilty, the reality is that the medical findings about breastmilk do show some increase in health benefits for babies, but in reality, those increases are often so minutely small that it could end up in one breastfed baby getting 1/2 a cold less than a formula-fed baby over the course of a year.  Yes, of course breastmilk is the best option, but it's not your best option, and I don't think it will make much difference at all to Benjamin.  He's clearly a very happy boy."


{sigh of relief}

Now, I know this debate happens all over the place: breastmilk vs. formula.  And as I talked about at length in previous blogs, I was absolutely heartbroken and devastated when I wasn't able to breastfeed Benjamin.  For Benjamin, and for myself.  And it's no doubt a difficult thing listening to other moms who have had no problem breastfeeding and seem to almost take for granted how difficult it is/was/can be for other moms.  Like, duh, everyone can breastfeed.  I have a few friends who have had incredibly tough times with the whole process and continue to feel like failures when they begrudgingly have to turn to formula.  And when people ask me how breastfeeding is going, I have to muster up a way to sheepishly say that we just weren't able to.  And yes, my son is formula-fed.

Anyway, I'm writing about this today because a friend recently sent me this interesting article that coincidentally fit perfectly with what my pediatrician and I talked about yesterday.  It's not often you hear about a case against breastfeeding (and no, it's not even against, it's more about not putting it on such a pedestal), so it was quite intriguing.  The fact that it comes from a reputable magazine with well-documented research didn't hurt either.  If you're interested in reading it (and I'd encourage it if you're needing some non-negative words about formula), you can find it here: http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2009/04/the-case-against-breast-feeding/7311/1/.

Yes, I know that breastfeeding would be the ideal situation for me and Benjamin (so please don't get upset with me if you happen to be a breastfeeding nazi), but I also know that whatever he lacks from the "perfect food" (which, incidentally, could be very little according to the article and some research), I know I make up for in time cuddling with him, reading to him, encouraging his development, loving him unconditionally, exposing him to the world, and simply enjoying life with him.  You can breastfeed a baby all you want, but in the end, breastmilk won't reassure a little boy that he's loved, teach him about right and wrong, and help him experience grace and forgiveness.  That's what his parents are for, and I am thankful to have a partner than can not only do those things with me but can also help feed him whenever I am stressed and exhausted (which is often!) - one benefit to formula feeding that should not be overlooked!  An extra cold here and there?  Well, I think we can handle that.

I am thankful to have a baby who is growing well, getting smarter every day, seems to absolutely love people, and is generally happy.  I don't want or need to feel embarrassed or ashamed (anymore) that he is formula-fed.  I want to feel proud of all the great things he is and will become. 

(Btw, he was a trooper with the shots, and even gave me some nice big grins when we got home)